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After all, it was legal to be promiscuous and deceptive and it was legal to put other people at risk by having unsafe sex. No, sex wasn't the basis of our fears and hatred. It was the fact that they had worked the sex and been 'paid' for it. Payment is what the fear was based on, which made perfect sense, since money is the ultimate power in this society. Was I frightened of women being paid because I didn't get paid? Did that mean that I wasn't worth as much as them? Or was it the fact that some hostess might take my husband or boyfriend away, when it was really him and the little slut down at the local pub that I should be worried about. Well, she's not a slut, but you know what I'm sayin'. I'm not against women giving it away, but I am against unsafe sex. I'm not keen on women emotionally screwing up and getting hurt. It reminds me of a time in my life when I didn't know any better, or when I wasn't aware of my own power. But it's all about me and you and fear in the end. It has little to do with reality that just keeps happening despite us. Our fear is the only part of us that's living, meanwhile for better or for worse, the sex workers are simply making an income.
Nikita has fallen in love with a client. It was the businessman from Sydney. He seemed to be hanging around for some reason. But she does it all the time. The exchange between herself and the paying gentleman was the power. But now she wants to give it away and where does that leave her? 'No,' said Sharlena, 'you're not to go out with him.' Nikita looked forlorn. 'I feel guilty about charging him.' 'Why?' 'Because I like him. I don't think it's right to charge him.' 'Why not? Is it because you're enjoying yourself? Oh, Nikita! You're allowed to enjoy your work. It's your time he's paying for, sleeping, talking or screwing. He's paying for your time, not the sex, Nikita.' 'I know, I know.' Jackie said, 'He wouldn't want you if he stopped paying for it. He gets a big thrill out of trying to break your defences down via your profession.' Nikita looked confused. They had all seen her like this before. She was cyclical by nature. She said, 'I've really gone and screwed up now! I started telling him things about myself that only my best girlfriends would know!' He pestered for the information and Nikita had buckled under pressure.
But he has this way of being very cool, poised and laid-back, and of making these really intelligent comments, and then waiting for me to be front-up with the information. It's as though I want to tell him everything.' 'He's tricky,' Jackie said. She was also attracted to the tricky, intelligent types. 'How much have you told him?' 'Not too much. He doesn't even know my real name. But Jackie,' she stammered, almost bursting into tears, 'I saw him privately already and only charged him eighty-five an hour!' 'Well, next time it's a hundred and fucking eighty for the hour and he's still getting it cheap. Then if he books over twelve hours, you might want to drop it to a hundred and sixty an hour. It's up to you. And that's with the money up front. Remember, Nikita, he's not going to get anything under two twenty and up per hour from an agency. You're not his girlfriend and you're not a charity.' I said, 'I think Nikita knows that. But obviously he's very lonely and she feels sorry for him.' 'Roxy's right. He's very, very lonely.' Jackie interrupted, 'Fuck him! Just look at you, Nikita! You feel sorry for him and you have nowhere to live! Look at her suitcases, Roxanne. All her life's in them. That arsehole ripped her off!' 'I'm lonely!' Nikita burst into tears, 'I've got nobody!'
Jackie was right. How stupid of me. I put her arms around Nikita. 'Here Sharlena, you get the other side. 'We know, sweetheart. We know it's lonely. But don't let this guy break down your boundaries. Keep your eye on the goal and that is, enough money to do what you have to do next.' Sharlena said, 'He wants to pay and so he should. You didn't meet him in a bar. It might have been different if you did. Who knows? But realistically speaking honey, would you have looked twice at him? You're nothing but a fantasy to each other in this industry. You mentioned you like him 'cause he made you feel 'nervous', well hello and listen here, that's an interesting start to something more serious. And look, that may be so, but don't get a thrill out of throwing your power away and acting charitable. You can do better than that. Remember, honey, it's a work place not a dating agency.' 'So who's in the position of power now?' 'I think in a way he is,' said Nikita, 'I mean, I get the money, but he gets my heart. I just can't ring him up when I want to. He calls the shots. He's the one who's spending up big. I can't fuck up.' 'Just remember,' said Jackie, 'that you've got something he wants.' 'I know. But I gotta stop waiting for him to book me all the time and wanting him to.' Well, that happens to a lot of women. 'Yeah, I know. If my father was alive, he would have told me not to take money from the man if I liked him. He would have told me to ask him out to dinner. He was a true romantic.' 'Look Nikita,' said Jackie, 'now obviously I never knew your father. But all men are the same. He'd have been for the man because he was a man, and naturally he would have taken the man's side. In that way he'd have been taking his own side, that's all, okay?' |
