|
page-31
After I left he lay on the bed wide-eyed with his fists clenched. He didn't want Nikita to use the oil. So she filled in time by massaging his dry skin and trying to get him to relax. She talked, laughed, caressed and cuddled, but he just kept staring at her and never smiled. When he said, 'Let's have some fun,' he sounded like the command switch inside a computer. 'Printing Job Paused. Please Add Toner.' She finally inserted his little prick into her pussy like a peg and rode him, but no sooner had she started to move, than he told her to 'get off'. So she massaged him again. Nikita thought to herself, what on earth does the little guy want? She had an inkling that he thought that she must have been enjoying herself. He left as wide-eyed and morose. Two days after the event had sunk in, Nikita realised what the problem had been. He had actually been frightened!
Some nights in the parlour are really odd. These guys just come in and stare all night like goldfish. What I see on their faces is mainly fear. Fear is the main thing. Like 'hello,' it's not as if we're aliens! We're just women, just like the girl next door, but more powerful. What are they frightened of anyway? Is it the fact that we have been with a lot of other men? Does this make them feel inadequate or does the impersonality of it turn them on even more? It might be because we deceive and cover up like them, then they don't like that. They don't like it when we exchange love for money when they want it all for nothing. Or when we know that they exchange the promise of love for sexual gratification. So you really 'love' me? Well, that's interesting. So what kind of love did you say you were offering?
They are frightened because we are onto them, but we still love them anyway. They are frightened because they want all the power and we won't give it to them. They have always been the boastful sluts who got laid but never paid. Now here he is confronted by his own reflection, inside the body of a woman smart enough to work the sex and make a living. You can forget the mountains and the oceans; a woman's mind and body is the most powerful thing in the world. Yet I can understand where the fear is coming from. I was originally anti the sex industry. It all had to do with an attitude based on fear. I had a lot to learn when I first started, and I learnt fast. There was a real turn-around inside myself. I remember my moralistic reaction when I found out that the pretty blonde girlfriend of a male acquaintance was working as a receptionist in an Adelaide parlour. When I think back on it, she was probably a hooker, 'cause they all say that.
Once I found out that she was involved in the industry, I didn't speak to them again. I felt like spitting at her from across the table in the café. I looked at both of them as if they were scum. She was such a threat to me at the time, that fear overtook me and I didn't think to question my own reactions. Later I realised that I was threatened by the sex industry, not because I thought that all the women were the victims of it, but that I felt like a victim of it. A sexually experienced woman threatened my own sense of sexual security. So just like a misogynist, the faceless working women became the objects of my fear and hatred. In this way I underestimated the power of women. I thought that those women who said that they liked the work, were only pretending that they did, in order to keep their sad jobs and be the victims of yet more men. When in reality my sympathy would have been better directed at the tragedy of a dissatisfied, underpaid secretary or factory worker under a male boss, being paid per week what we are paid for in just a few hours.
The job has its sleazy side but it depends on how you work it. Often I'm being pampered by gorgeous men on queen-sized beds or in the spa drinking champagne. Sensuality on demand is challenging work, but at the same time it suits the naturally erotic and affectionate type of woman. I'd rather be here than behind a supermarket checkout or in an office block, being underpaid and sexually harassed by the small minds of my co-workers. Yet I was initially afraid, because I thought that it was degrading for women, and naturally my mind was focused on the sexual penetration aspect of it and none of the other stuff. Human prejudice is not equipped to cope with complexities, nor is it based on a broader reality, but only on what it fears most. Then everything becomes that fear. The fear of sexual penetration makes it the central focus of what is in fact a psychological industry. I was especially frightened of those women who had had sex so many times in their lives. But it wasn't really that they were experienced was it? Other women were experienced and before entering the industry, so was I. Every person that I knew who wasn't naïve or stupid was 'working the sex' in some way or another. So sex itself wasn't the real issue at all, was it? |
