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BRINGING HOME THE STRAYS
9. Loveless, Broken People
people who have their hearts in tact, think they will risk a broken heart, if they go into a new relationship, whereas i risk nothing because i am already a broken hearted person, hopefully with each new encounter there will be a bandaid, a little mending, a few kind words, i'll give what i can, i have healed myself & continue healing, so why must i go back to heal again, to look for the answers through someone else's struggle into & out of pain, i am angry at his parents in the same way that i am angry at mine, he is a battered child walking around in a very old coat, he still visits his mother, with the hope of being knocked around some more, surely not still with the hope of being loved, her last comment to him was, 'the only problem with you, is that you had to grow up,' it's harder to physically batter a six foot man, but she still controls the child inside, it's a two way thing with his child broken to smithereens & still responding, inside a body of a six foot man, this child can be very needy, very dangerous & very angry, but mostly he just waits to be mistreated & is frightened of anything else, he cannot receive the signals of love & does not know how to give them, loveless broken people, you can see many of them walking around the streets of collingwood, they are begging for money, with eyes like burnt out holes, but even if their pockets were full, they would hardly notice it, eyes & pockets are bottomless pits, why do we destroy children to make them into destroyed adults that walk the destroyed streets?, they are roughing me up emotionally, they are tugging at my heartstrings like purse strings, but i am so newly recovered, that i just can't fill them up, even if i was strong it is impossible, i just have to stand on my life raft & watch the ships of their souls go down, & be very very sad & lonely in the world, because i love them as i love myself, even with the strong people i have created beside me & those who have created me beside them, as we float away from the wreckage of other people's hearts, as we take all the strays in to be put down, but we must remember that they too are all surviving in the best way they can & would be likely to topple the boat of your well being, with their insatiable neediness, if allowed to get close, i too am still vulnerable, surviving in the best way i can, but still, still it is painful to know of their existence & watch them, powerless with love |
