my adolescent depressions came in like low fog/
i had to work in a bar up the road & i was told to
wear a see through lacy shirt/ the sleazy old boss
pinched my bum on the third time that i worked
there/ he said 'next time don't bother wearing a
bra/ there were a lot of detectives & army blokes
hanging around/ i cant remember any faces/ just
men in cheap suits disappearing in & out of the
darkness/ there were a few rooms out the back/
some of the blokes tried to chat me up after a few
too many/ at the end of the shift all the employees
sat around to drink & unwind on the big red vinyl
lounge/ there wasn't any conversation half decent/
there was one nice looking man but he was dirty/
he offered me a cigarette but i didn't bother talking
to him/ he was too full of himself/ there was some
thing washed up, burnt out & ruined about him/
the bar was lit up from underneath so clients
could see me & in the back ground the liquor that
they were about to buy/ the money was good but
i had to walk home by myself at dawn/ i had
worked there in order to buy a dress for my
school farewell/ i soon got the sack because i
refused to let the boss touch me/ i frequently
dropped back around to the house in rose street/
where dad sweated on the divorce settlement/ to get
drunk & smoke hash/ when the house was
finally sold dad moved to dubbo & lived in the
poplars caravan park under the bridge/ once he
got angry drying out/ when dale brendon & i went
to visit on school holidays/ he said we had put a
red light on front of the annex/ called my cousin
danny's girlfriend a slut & said 'the whole fucking
caravan park thinks i'm running a brothel'/ i put
a sign on the door that said 'mr big's you get
breakfast in bed' & he got very pissed off/ dad's
imagination turned his annex into the red light
district of dubbo/ dad broke down one night in
the caravan after too many porno movies & said
'it was my fault with your mother, she was a
good mother' etc/ it was the first & last time that
i saw him like it/ he looked like a sad old monster
gone soft/ just as his kids turned hard/ dad became
paranoid in the caravan park when i accused him
& my two brothers of being professional sheep
shooters/ dale kept talking on & on in his loud
high pitched voice about shooting the trangie sign
posts the night before/ dad told him to shut up
twice & dale ignored him/ then suddenly dad
gave dale a backhander/ it left the red imprint
of his hand across his cheek/ dale's eyes clouded
over/ dad had never hit him in all the years he'd
been alive/ it was the saddest thing/ to see dale's
betrayal in that moment/ i somehow wished
dad had hit me instead of dale/ i had never seen
him hit my brothers & never did again/ something
was lost then & we all went quiet/ later dale
stuck up a page from an easy rider magazine
that dad had given him called 'big tits at joes'
on the cranky old italian man's annex in the next
caravan/ he called the police/ pointing to dad's
van when they came/ but they never bothered
with us/ they took the picture away with them
