45. there is a physical bridge to cross into suicide, between thinking it & actually doing it
a lot of my friends have felt suicidal this week, including myself, this society is going down the gurgler & we all want to kill ourselves, all of us from different walks of life, of different ages, sexes & personalities, all of us who have different histories & ambitions, we have all wanted to kill ourselves this week, but there is a physical bridge to cross into suicide, between thinking it & actually doing it, when i used to cut myself open, the bridge to the other side was strong & intact, you could drive a truck of dynamite across it, it was a good solid bridge, like that one on the Hawkesbury river, in northern new south wales, i used to cross it regularly, jammed in amongst the other traffic, once on the other side, there was complete silence as the crowd dispersed, i felt blades sticking up like grass, i used to perform small bloody operations upon myself, always with the knowledge that suicide was further down the track, deep into that dead grey world, towards the birdless forest in the distance, this was simply preparation, getting in some practice or testing the waters, these days the bridge has collapsed & i look across at the other side to where i used to be, it is not nearly as easy to go back there & start all that business up again |
