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i am a black inward turning star/ the dark space in your kitchen cupboard/
my energies are focused inwards/ organ collapsing/ the cupboards bend inwards/
you know i am in here alone waiting/ but do you know 'that you must love me
like you have never loved anyone/ you must take up your space ship and let
your love fly/ you must let your love be crushed and expanded to thin space
threads within my collapsing/ you must become screwed up/ your love must fill
me up/ you must fill your spaceships with love/ or your cardboard cutout
space module/ fling them at me like small aeroplanes/ send your love into
my space/ i will not mind if you keep your distance to save yourself & your
crew of flatmates from being crushed/ send your little rockets of love to
be constantly gradually never endingly space is a long time to be in/ then
come finally yourself into my dark orbit & stretch your capabilities beyond
your kitchen/ they say i am really a funnel/ & that all the rockets were
crushed/ or came streaming out the other side into an alternative universe/
will you accompany me?/ do i have to come back into your kitchen to crush its
atmosphere or fill it with darkness?/ will you leave your kitchen duties &
come into this cupboard?/ the kitchen begins to shake/ your flatmates fear a
poltergiest or a big nasty rat/ the traps are set/ all the cultery and
crockery are shaking and collapsing/ the sink is shaking and the plumbing
beath in the cupboard is coming apart/ i am emotionally collapsing/ my chest
is rattling/ i cannot keep my organs together inside my skin/ they are free
floating/ colliding in to each other/ the kitchen shakes with my terrible
presence/ the radio dial goes crazy/ lights switch and flicker on and off
and the kitchen sink fills to its full capacity but there is no plug/ all
this happened because you turned away from me & went into the loungeroom/
when i saw your blue jumper back to me the kitchen began to shake and rattle
out of my control/ something strange entered the house from the dark
backyard & began to shake with me/ i retreated to the kitchen cupboard
where i shook like a ghost/ all this happened because you refused to speak
to me & i could not see your face/ & i forgot that you loved me many times/
& i cry like a toddler into the dark wooden cupboard that has expanded to
become my next door neighbour's rose garden in rose street in twilight/
& my empty toddler's cry is like a lamb whose mother has died/ & it echoes
quietly outwards & is not returned/ i know i am alone in this darkness/
i am crying/ & no matter how much i cry into that kitchen cupboard/ i
cannot make you turn around/ there is a point in time where you will not
love me/ i cannot make you love me/ i cannot create love in another
person/ my family fell apart in my clasp/ it all slipped through my
fingers like dead skin/ i cannot hold my world together/ love cannot
be the bandaid of my family/ let it fester/ let it go/ let it die/ but
don't make me watch its sickness & its lingering/ & its hatred & its
suffering/ i want to say to my parents now/ never ever stay together for
the children/ the children who can't hold your marriage together/ i want
to say to you/ never turn your back on me/ because i cannot hold it
together/ your kitchen will tremble & collapse & it will break alot
of cultery/ & you may not be able to rid your loungeroom of the strange
ghost that has just claimed my psyche as its new territory/ |