the company of 'the boyfriends' finally wore thin/
dad finally went for roy many years down the
track/ jumped up out of the bed in his brewarrina
flat & rushed at him in the loungeroom in front
of four other men/ with his gut & greying black
hairs hanging out of his striped pyjama pants with
the white cord/ none of the men did anything/ i sat
up in my bed/ i yelled out 'no dad don't hit him
don't hit him'/ it sounded like a child's voice
squeaking from the sheets/ i couldn't take it
anymore/ dad didn't hit him/ he mumbled at the
sink swallowing half a glass of water & accused
roy of calling him a 'cunt'/ but dad really hated
in roy what he saw in himself/ & that was another
man with a 'big arse'/ he used to always describe
mum's hips as being 'as big as the side of a house'
or said she was 'six axe handles around the arse'
or she was 'that hard you could crack rocks on
her head' or 'hard as fucking nails' or 'you don't
know whether she's an ugly sheila or a good
looking bloke' & 'you can't hurt her feelings cause
she hasn't got any'/ i said 'women have hips for
child birth dad what's your excuse?' & he looked
at roy & said 'that cunt said i fucked my dog'/
dale looked at brendon & i who had said it earlier
in the evening/ but none of us would admit to
anything/ so roy slept outside in the caravan/ it
was about time he knew what my father was all
about/ in the pub the next day dad told him i had
a secret crush on him at fourteen/ when i used to
ride around on the back of the motorbike with
him/ both dressed in overalls/ roy smiled &
said 'you should have told me & we could have
done something about it/ i like headjobs'
