IN THE DOG BOX OF SUMMER
i cannot live anywhere else but in this hot dog box
of summer/ rusky & i hunched together inside a red
& white dog box/ hot floating hairballs/ a thick
warm red & white jumper with hens on the cuffs/
winter sunlight/ this is what i most remember/ my
dog losing hair into my jumper & sticky panting
saliva dripping mixed in hair/
i breathe up black &
white hair & sneeze into dog box air with a flushed
face & pull my dog's tail/ we will never leave this
place/ he bites spit playfully onto my fingers &
thumb/ i wipe it on my pants & we turn over each
other in the box/ he is my warm daytime blanket/
then something in our backyard is wrong/ rusky
smells it & growls/
i pop my head out of the box/
my hands in dirt/ tiny twigs & pebbles puncture my
palms/ my dog tries to force his way out from behind
me/ having been left in dog box darkness alone/ i
block the entrance to the sun/ but then his hot
breath dribbles into my ear/ reassuring me he is
still here/ but a wooden thing stands in our
backyard & sees past me with hollow notches/
what is
she doing in our yard? dog growls/ i look towards the
house/ my parents are not there/ my brothers are not
yet born/ there is only her/ she is between us & the
house/ she is probably from the vacant block next
door/ the place where christmas beetles come from
to slap up against the kitchen window after dark/
the place where things unknown to children & dogs
lived/
i want to throw rocks at her/ i think of
letting rusky out so he can bite her/ then she comes
closer/ she sticks her fat notchy bits into the box
scratching my cheeks/ i kick at her with my gum
boots/ the autumn wind from her drags me away from
the dog's soft belly fur/ & i fly up & down in the
wind like a red & white balloon/ one hand wrapped
in the dog chain connected to the ground/
i am being
dragged away into time/ but the harsh wind drops
into winter stillness/ all at once it drops & she
is gone/ i know i have won/ i am going to stay in
the box/ i whisper into my dog's velvet ear/ i'm not
going with her/ i am never leaving here/ i will
never leave the box/ it is all i want to be/ in the
heartbeat & hairballs of the old dog/
springtime &
mum calls us both in for tea/ but we hide until the
stars move across the sky for half a century/ my
mother staggers out from the dark kitchen doorway &
gently falls to pieces like bones into grass/ my
father's skin hangs in threads by the tree near the
shed/ my two brothers have left home & have got
work/ but dog & myself will stay in the dog box of
summer/ where we can choose or choose not to view
the world |