|
MEDIUMSHIP AND AWARENESS [5]: THE FACES OF THE DEAD
The Giant Trees At The Arthur Findlay College, Cast Deep Late Summer Shadows, Across The Grounds.
Colin's Meditation: The Faces Of The Dead
Midway through the course, one of the male lecturers named Colin, took us for a meditation out on the lawn of the college grounds. It was hot and stuffy in the rooms and he thought a bit of fresh air would 'do us all the world of good.' Colin was a shy and gentle man, a preacher of love and mysticism. When he had first entered our classroom as a guest lecturer, he suddenly turned to me and asked, "Do I know you?"
So with Colin leading the way, all the students positioned themselves around the big old shady trees of the college grounds. I lay back on the coolest summer grass imaginable, beneath the outstretched branches of a large tree. I barely heard his words, but I did not fall asleep. Instead, before I knew it, I had suddenly tipped over into my own mind, where I was fully awake and staring at the blackness before me.
As I stared into the blackness, the head of a person materialised in front of me, as if suspended in mid air. Then, as I watched transfixed, another head appeared and then another and then another and another, all of them people, with unique facial expressions and physical attributes. They were mainly men, appearing in vivid ochre sepia, until the blackness before my eyes, was filled in with heads and faces. The heads were looking at me, but there was no expression or relatedness about them.
Instead, they appeared to present themselves before me and stare beyond me, at the same time. I watched the heads in awe and without fear. Some of them seemed historical, like they must have died a long time ago, perhaps even centuries before.
The Heads Were Suspended, Like Those of The Musicians, Queen, In The Video Clip Of 'Bohemian Rapsody'.
When I came out of the meditation, I was in a bit of shock, like I hadn't quite come back and so I disassociated myself from the thought, of seeing the heads of these people, until later on. Once I had thought more about it, I realised that they must have been the faces of dead people. Perhaps they were projecting mental images, of what they had looked like, while they were still alive, onto my consciousness. I was amazed by this experience. There was something eerie and vacuous about it. It was empty and alien. It had felt more like a memorial, than like making contact, like I was being shown something, rather than anyone seeking me out. So who were they?
That night, when I closed my eyes to go to sleep, the heads kept coming. However this time, they were no longer in sepia. Nor were they as defined. They were no longer just stationary. Instead, they came in fragments, eyes, noses, ears and lips. They formed and reformed, white swirling vapours, on the lids of my closed eyes.
Facial features were coming at me, like someone was blowing a frost into my mind, filled with faces of mist. And I saw other things. I suddenly saw a whole lot of 'beings' appear. They were faeries, pixies and green men. I thought, wow, but that can't be right?! Something felt wrong about it. It was like the faeries I had seen in picture books. It was not the way, I had expected that faeries would present, in the spirit.
An Artificial Reality: The Construct
|
After seeing 'the faces of the dead', I began to wander into a strange land. It was nothing like any dream, phobia or experience, with multiple consciousness, that I'd had before. Instead, every time I closed my eyes, rather than going to sleep, it was like I simply ended here and then began again, somewhere else. I was in my own mind, but my mind was within an environment, that was not created by me, but instead that existed independantly from me. It was a reality, but it always felt, as if I was being 'shown', whatever I saw. The first night, after the faces of the dead had appeared, during Colin's meditation, I entered a landscape. But It was a created landscape, that I had seen while in Paris, at the Centre Pompidou [Bou Bou]. It was titled, The Horne Perspective, by Laurent Grasso. |
The 'World Of The Dead' Was Dark And Mysterious, With A Hint Of Malice.
Then, as I went deeper into the experience, I heard the sounds of Laurent Grasso's Horne Perspective, which at the time of viewing, had disturbed me significantly. This was an eerie and artifically constructed landscape, that seemed to exist outside of our ideas of reality. It was only after being led into it for some time, that one began to notice endless repetitions, on a mysterious route, that lead to nowhere. This was a landscape of false journeying, filled with the breathless unquiet of presence and of endless unwavering beginnings. But it was not a labyrinth. It was, in fact, a circular prison, where any perceived freedom, was being induced, by perpetual mesmerism.
Then I saw hundreds of raven's wings, lifting from the ground and what appeared to be thousands of marching legs, of insects or spiders, as if through a microscope. I did not understand the significance of this, or why I should be experiencing it, in relation to my study of mediumship. There was something artificial about it, like it was staged, by an unknown and inaccessible intelligence. If this was the 'spirit world', then it was murky, cold, a cacophony of imagined thoughts, by the lost and as yet, unacknowledged. Who would want to end up there? And what was actually out there?
The Horne Perspective Installation by Artist Laurent Grasso, The Centre Pompidou, Paris, France.
The day following the meditation, I saw a large green orb flash at me, in the hallway, near my dormatory room. "What was that?" I asked the students in the bar. "It was green." "Oh, that was either an angel protector, or the soul of a dead medium." "Right," I said, wondering how their knowledge was so specific. However, they were confident in what they knew and they were obviously far more experienced, than me. After the lessons were over for the day, I began to ask students at the bar, "Do you see dead people when you close your eyes?" The answers were pretty much the same.
"Oh yeah, sure," they responded smiling. "Hey, congratulations. You are now a medium!" "Really?!" Well, I felt pretty good about this, but was still concerned. "Why do they all keep coming at me and looking at me?" "Oh, that's because they can see your light." "Mediums are like celebrities, in the spirit world. It's like the spirits go ... Oh great, there's a medium, now we can get our message through to the living."
One of the more experienced students reassured me, "You don't have to put up with that. You can tell them to stop and they will." "Okay," I said. But I didn't like the feeling of the sudden responsibility and sense of obligation, that came with it. All those people, I thought, how could we possibly hope to help them all, when it felt like I was moving through unknown territory, with a blindfold on? "What's wrong with your nose?" another student asked. "They're touching me," I said, "They're pressing down on my skin." I paused. "That's okay, ... but are they meant to be doing this?!"
|
I mainly saw 'heads', whenever I closed my eyes. Human faces, eyes, ears, noses, mouths coming into view, fading in and out, coming closer and moving away. They were ghostly white like mist. For many days, there was the face of a maori man, very close up, so that it was on top of mine. Then this great eye appeared on its own. In the end, it looked like my own eye, looking back at me. I wasn't sure what any of this meant, but I found myself both fascinated and disturbed. There was something creepy about all this, but I wanted to know more ... Then I would suddenly become traumatised, so that I didn't want to know at all. |
I Saw Many Misty Faces Coming Towards Me From The Darkness.
I was told by some enthusiastic experienced students, "Welcome to the the world of mediumship! If you've seen the faces, you're a medium." Rachel said, "Wait until you start seeing dead people materialise in full bodily form!" Then she added, "I've seen the heads coming straight at me like this." She motioned with her hands, showing me how the heads were coming at her and then flying past her. I had not seen the heads doing that, but I was certainly seeing them, throughout the day and at night. In the end, the other students told me, that I would have to learn to switch it off, for my own good. After only a couple days, I did manage to have more control over it and it seemed as if it was only when I looked for them, or waited for them, that they would start to appear again. But curiosity took over and I found myself utterly fascinated, stopping in my tracks, throughout the day at the college and placing my hands up to my eyes, to block the light, in order that I could see more, of the faces in the dark.
Walking In The World of The Dead
While far from pleasant, I felt somehow addicted to the contact. I had to find out more. I felt compassion for these 'spirits'. At the same time, my space was being invaded and I became concerned, about all the contact. In fact, it worried me, that there were all these lost and lonely souls, just drifting around out there, in the ether of these odd psychic environments. Why wasn't anyone looking after them? Were they okay? Were they where they wanted to be? And why were they touching me?
Most importantly, how could I (or anyone else), possibly help them, when I didn't know what I was dealing with? I felt a sense of powerleness alongside a deep concern for them. But also, that there was something creepy and chaotic behind this and I felt ill at ease, about my role and what I felt was the 'responsibility', being placed upon me. The last thing I wanted, was to experience this, in the world of the dead. At least in the world of the living, you could do some good and help those in need. How could I do that, by acting as a radio receiver, on the edge of a vast invisible world?
This 'world of spirit', was a dark and vacuous place, of deep foreboding, appearances and non appearances. It was like walking in blind folded, where they could see and touch you, but where you only ever got glimpses of their lostness and neediness. I was fascinated and wanted to go further, but this was always accompanied with feelings of desolation, powerlessness, becoming lost and a sense of unreality.
In a way, I wished that I had never opened myself up to the world of the dead. All I felt, was a plethora of lost and disembodied minds, floating around in a vacume. I was deeply disturbed by this experience. Where were all these dead people and why weren't they talking about heaven and being in paradise and being looked after? Why were they so needy, in that they constantly approached me and touched my skin?
If I was meant to be there, then why wasn't I feeling good about this situation? I felt both disempowered and morally obligated. It was at this stage in the course, that I decided, I did not want to be a professional medium. I had never believed in being paid for it, but even to help people in this way ... I felt uneasy about it. At the same time, it was like I was on the edge of a great dark forest and I knew that I had to venture further in. Mediumship was like doing something I was uncertain about and reassuring the person in front of me, of the certainty of it. In a word, it felt 'wrong'.
I Was Torn Between My Own Uneasiness And My Sense Of Obligation, Regarding The Dead. |
