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It felt strange walking down the street last week, knowing I wasn't going to fuck thirty men. It felt like being born. Nikita said, 'I am still capable of having a relationship with a man, but look where that got me.' Jackie said, 'Well, sweetheart, he may have been a man, but he wasn't a client. He was a moron. Try not to let it get you down too much. Don't forget the good things that you got from the job. You got money. It increased your confidence, and your sexual skills, and now you know about the dopes a little bit more.' 'Yeah,' said Nikita, 'I'm pleased about that. So what did you learn, Roxy?' Well, I've learnt that being employed as a barmaid or a secretary is a shit-kicker's job. No, seriously, I've learnt that men are as sensual as women, that they live in the moment and are capable of deception. We still have to keep approaching them on an individual basis. Although I know what patterns to look for, in their general behaviour, like what I accept and don't accept, both psychologically and sexually. It's actually been very good for me. I wasn't that experienced before doing this work. It's helped with my shyness. It's given me a sense of a greater purpose. The majority of the men I have been okay. I think I actually like men more after doing this job. 'So are you going to keep doing it, Roxy?' Yeah, I think I'll come back in a few weeks after I've done some work with the donkeys. I hope you'll be joining me down the track, Nikita. It might do you some good. It's voluntary work but it's for the animals. It's all about balance and management. 'Well, I'm outa here for good,' said Jackie, 'I've saved up enough money for my little caravan and a few years' income. I'm getting some dreadlocks and my lip pierced and I'm off to live along the beach with Hero.'
It feels like freedom. There was the fear of the lack of money, the absence of the constant stream of hundred-dollar bills from hour jobs that flowed into the wallet, and shoes to be hidden each evening. There was nothing in her new life but what she had managed to save and skimping on social security once a fortnight. Jackie admitted to herself that she was frightened. 'I'm frightened of being unattractive, unloved, destitute,' she said. But like all the other girls who had come and gone before her, she knew that she could always go back to the job later on if she had to, or at least while she was still young. 'I just want to be me,' she turned to Sharlena, 'I just want my identity back. It sounds dumb, but I want someone to say my real name, and I want to go to the movies with my lover where they don't have to pay, and where we don't have to fuck, in a way just to prove something to myself.' 'Then say your real name!' said Sharlena, 'Say your name, honey!' 'My name is Tracy,' she said.
Tracy speaks: I dreamt that a woman booked me for two days. We had been very intimate and then she changed suddenly. 'Okay,' she said coldly, 'you are a prostitute and I'm a client, so let's start behaving like that. Let's get down to business.' It became a mechanical process. There was a machine inside my heart that couldn't be switched off. The machine grew into a monster replica of myself, inside which I was being crushed and manipulated. 'Do you remember that wheel chair job that I had to do?' said Sharlena. 'The guy was a creepy little crocodile slayer and he wanted a fuck. I had to lift him onto the bed and climb on top. His legs were all withered. I inserted his cock like it was a plastic peg and he came in two lashes of a bullwhip. We all do things that we don't like doing, but that applies to any job. So don't let it get you down when you're tired. It will always be different tomorrow.' Remember that virgin that Roxanne fucked who had cerebral palsy? What a fucken joke that was! He thought that a couple of hundred bucks would buy him love, the dopey bastard. Personally, I'd rather fuck a chimpanzee! But I guess they don't pay good rates at the zoo. 'You're a hard woman,' laughed Roxanne. And so are you, sweetheart, if you know what I'm sayin'. Underneath all that forehead kissing, crystal dangling, herbal toothpaste and sensual massage, you're just as fucken hard as me. That's what I like about you, okay? I should call you 'sweet nothings.' 'Or sweet nothingness,' Roxanne smiled. Sharlena said, 'Now listen here, honey, you can take that as a compliment coming from her. If you weren't hard, you wouldn't be good at your job.' |
