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When you put a bit of ointment on the abrasion on my finger, I thought an angel had come down from Heaven to take me somewhere. And it's true that as we were kissing our bodies both intertwined, for moments you reminded me of my ex-boyfriend and my parents who never loved me the way I wanted them to, and then yourself, and for moments longer we were lost in each other, the one force in the universe that we were part of. That's all true. But it doesn't mean that we love each other or that we could spend the rest of our lives together or that we could raise a family. You only think you love me when really you want to fuck me occasionally and are willing to pay for the fantasy. You know what I do and if I'm not careful, soon you will know more about me than my closest friends. I can't risk that, I'm sorry. He said, 'So you have built a compound around yourself. How many stories do you tell? I noticed that everything you say is considered and often you are evasive.' Well, you are not without your fragility. Remember this, sweetheart, while you pay for it and while I fuck for it, I'm with a client. You are with a hooker, not a lover. Do you know the difference?
Shy guy, you are welcome back to my beautiful room anytime, and with a discount. I said, 'Do you want to go on top?' That's how I could get a good grip on him with my cunt, and take control. It was like holding his hand and leading him there. He said, 'No.' He could barely let the words escape his lips without the fear that something would get in there, or jump down his throat, while dancing and stamping its feet in his heart. 'Bless you,' I said so that no bad spirits got inside the shy man's mouth. He was born in February, a quiet Aquarian, with a lanky body, a small tattoo of a dragon and one pierced nipple. He looked slick but when it came to women he was a helpless kitten, exposed and vulnerable. He didn't want to go on top because he was pinned to the bed like a scared boy. I've never seen a creature so awkward and sad and lonely before. I looked down and said, 'You're a shy one, aren't you?' He nodded, his liquid eyes large and fearful. I leaned across him very slowly and stroked his face, lips and eyebrows. His eyes closed. He was desperate for the touch. For too many years this young man had lived in a shy landscape, where even the wind and trees were quiet and shy. The whole place was remote as the birds who nested there and had a particularly soft and fatal feather. Their breasts were as heavy as my heart, storing their fat on the edge of a southern tablelands winter. Then a fine light snow touched down on the eucalypt and a wombat burrowed in by rocking from side to side. It was gentle to be in this shy and lonely landscape, where the sun passed by and never settled. God brought him in like a tiny brown bird that needed special handling. I gave him his thirty minutes of tenderness, he wouldn't have been able to stand for much more without breaking down or falling in love. 'That's it, sweetheart.' I eased him in between my legs and he had a really fine cock. I gripped onto it and moved like a white gull across the countless lonely waves of his existence. His blue green eyes were a harbour tide heading out to sea. His face collapsed into fear and pain that took him further and further away. Let him go backwards into himself for now, I thought, the idea of intimacy terrifies him. I didn't want him to enter my gaze like it was a life raft or clutch my buttocks like they were the fat back end of a ferry, as other men had tried to do. They didn't have enough money, nor the minds to make me their perfect saviour. Besides, it would take a very large amount to capture me. I'd been caught before and once caught and bitten, now twice as shy.
Unlike Nikita, I learnt from my lessons and lucky escapes. So I left him afloat on his back beneath the waves of my movement. A few moments later and his time was almost up. I whispered, 'Come now,' just before the mobile phone rang and he did. I thought, if anybody knew what shyness meant it was me. He stood up, still locked inside. He left and I pulled his bright white T-Shirt down at the front. I'd never see him again, but he was so lovely that I wept inside. I hoped that he would find a lovely girlfriend. I felt for him and his shyness around women. I was just the woman to help him. It's often rewarding to be a sex worker. Just last night Sharlena had a nineteen-year-old Greek virgin. She said, 'Honey, you don't want to stuff it up for them.' |
