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I think the worst thing with the bikie guy was that he knew that he was very ugly, and that was why he gave me the extra money. The guy might be the backside off an elephant but he wasn't stupid. He looked like Yoda off The Empire Strikes Back. After he showered I stripped off my clothes and went down on him, hoping to bring him off before penetration. I kept my eyes shut for obvious reasons. In the process I lost my lipstick to the condom and grinned and joked about it tasting like rubber. I had the same routine for every bloke I was with. It was just like working in a factory. I was acting like a real stupid bitch, although I had never faked an orgasm. I never did any of that shit. A hot pink condom is my trademark. He watched me from way up over the foothills of his chest. He became hard. I could see the minutes ticking away on the clock on the wall above his bed and thought, I guess we'd better fuck now,' 'cause he paid two hundred dollars for it. But he just wanted to hold me and touch my skin. Huh, come again? He stroked my arms and breasts and looked adoringly into my face, as if I were the most gorgeous thing on earth.
Imagine if I was the only woman marooned on a deserted island and he was the only man. I'd take a quick stroll into the surf and feed myself to the sharks. He was looking into my eyes as though he were madly in love with me. Sharlena said, 'Yeah, they like to fantasize.' But then he looked at me just like my dog does and I liked this at least. I closed my eyes muttering that safe sex was the priority when he was ready. Then he touched my face the way that my grandmother touched me as a girl. It was the only touch that I ever had. I jokingly said, 'God, how much do you charge?' I was a wanker for sure. I couldn't believe I just said that! It was an old line but he wouldn't have heard it. He grinned. 'You just relax.' I wondered why he had brought me here. It was one of my first jobs in a few nights and I felt vulnerable now that we couldn't just get to the sex. Some girls preferred to use the massage routine for every man. Well, fuck the pampering. I just fucked 'em and got 'em to leave early if I could. I wanted a fuck, not a relationship. After all, it wasn't a fucken honeymoon. But this ugly motherfucker would have none of it. Well, well, well, not all men just wanted to fuck themselves stupid. So was he the yoda - the gateway to the great mystery and dignity of men?
You may find this hard to believe but I actually appreciated what he taught me in that hour. I made two hundred bucks 'cause I was able to tolerate him. And perhaps because I'm drop-dead-gorgeous, but his word to describe me was 'sweet'. Jesus. So he paid the world for its 'sweetness' and 'kindness.' I thought, yeah, fuck it. I should be touched and paid for who I am. It ended up being a real ego trip. Of course this had never happened before, that is until I turned up at the ugly man's room. He wasn't good looking but his blue eyes shone like brittle glass. He was actually a human being and that is the important thing. I left him lying there, sorry that I hadn't taken the condom off, or touched his brow, but I was too fucken nervous. I left the motel room in my fishnet stockings, with two hundred dollars in my pocket, but feeling like a million bucks, a creature from another dimension, passing the tourists in the swimming pool. They looked up suddenly, as if a pterodactyl had momentarily shadowed them with its huge dark wings. I smiled looking down at my toes, with the hot pink polish poking out of the fishnets. These were whores' stockings. Sharlena had told me that I was too rough with the others. She said that I put on a pair of stockings like army boots, and during the daylight hours I dressed like Tank Girl.
Now I was out in the humid night air heading towards the car, some fucking dog barking like a fucking siren from someone's frontyard. I already missed Hero after only just a few hours. He'd be waiting patiently at home, sleeping on the lounge like a child or a partner. I was only having these thoughts because of the ugly man. He was the ugliest man in the world. But he had treated me well after seeing that I was terrified of him. No man has touched me as though I was a child. I was still shaking. I didn't understand it fully. In a way it was sad and beautiful. In another way it was grotesque. I felt this strange relief. I cried into my hands in the car park, the tropical air heating up skin under my coat and my black strappy sandals filling up with muddy water. 'Jackie wants the ugly ones,' Sharlena chuckled, 'she really does. That was just the beginning. She had a little taste of it and now she's hooked. You should see her. She doesn't care who she fucks. It's as if the Devil's gotten into her.' 'Now listen here, I do a few ferals, but you specialize in the disabled, so don't go all cheeky on me. There's gonna be plenty of work for you at the paralympics!' |
