31. haunted houses, there are a variety of them existing in me
in order to move through this relationship & my own hurt, i made my way back through the haunted house of myself, i became that very creepy abused woman, in order to switch off from him, i dreaded my movement through the place of my abused self, i knew that there would be corpses lying in the cupboards under the sink, murdered by the raving lunatic who'd pushed past me in the hallway, there is always a very wrong spooky sort of feeling in these houses, haunted houses, there are a variety of them existing in me, there is the split-level house, the house on top mirroring the house on the bottom, the house on the top is where all the good rooms are, the house on the bottom had the bad rooms, then there is that spiraling staircase that i climb, only to arrive at a very creepy room at the top, a room so creepy that it always wakes me up, then there was that house in the garden that i walked past, every time i looked straight at it, it was like a sleepy little stone cottage, with all the leafy summer shrubs in place, then when i looked ahead & saw it out of the corner of my eye it turned nasty & hideous, i knew that the house wasn't revealing its true nature to me, that it was waiting for me to enter it, so i walked by quickly as it growled, & all the spiders shook in their webs, i got this very creepy feeling before the age of six, i always wondered what they had done to me, but i realise now that they were probably just the same as they had always been, but at two years of age, i couldn't have rationalised the pain i felt, & so the terror would have set in, & the first haunted room would have tumbled into my tiny brain |
