29. now is my grief of wading in sewerage fully realised, i think if only i had known
i felt myself go crazy in the crib, i thought, it's all over, my twisted right arm hanging up in a sling, i was so mad i could have bitten my own arm off to get out, now i want a second chance at life, is it too late?, this trip into reality was a slow & gradual development, no-one told me the secrets of sanity, the years of depression as an adolescent, wishing i was dead & already dead inside, all my young years wasted on trying to destroy myself, the sheer drop into psychosis, no one told me the way back, had i ever existed in the real world?, when i was born, was there that moment of sanity?, the glimpse of a full life before i was worked upon?, & if there was, why didn't i remember the way back to it?, i had no memory of sanity, so how could i get to it?, life is so short & there was a good chance that i would never get to it, but now i drink to the painful experience of my sanity, now is my grief of wading in sewerage fully realised, i think if only i had known |
