These days I am not sure whether 'they' were responsible for the 'phenomena', only that there are states of consciousness that are entered that make the psyche more prone to unusual experiences. Even now it still amazes me to look back on these notes, to see how much I really did know about what was happening, without access to the appropriate literature. The multiplicity of consciousness that I was experiencing was tied in to what was happening around me, but at that time, and for several years afterwards, it remained a bewildering mystery.
Alongside the 'singing' I started to hear music. At the time I was playing The Lord of The Rings soundtrack throughout the day. When I switched off the CD, the music would continue as loudly as if I had left it switched on. Sometimes I was only able to deduce that the music was not coming from the player, after I had checked that the player was not actually switched on.
I would only get up and check the CD after it seemed to get stuck on the same track and continue to play it over and over again. I would then find that the player was off. I thought, at least it's something that I want to listen to. Over the top of this music, either faintly in the background, or in unison with it, or gently rising above and below it, I could again hear what appeared to be singing in high-pitched continuous harmonies. Once I was woken up in the morning when The Lord of the Rings soundtrack had suddenly started to play, while the CD player was switched off. My mother commented over the phone, "Oh well, at least it saves you on the electricity bill."
While the music and singing became louder other things seemed to be slipping. I was normally an organised and efficient person, but I was becoming forgetful, disorganised and physically weaker. I had tried to continue with the wholesaling as best I could, but I started being affected by acute and odd pain like I had never experienced before. I was overcome by nausea and giddiness. At one stage I collapsed in the driveway while trying to put a display stand together for products for the wholesaling. I was so violently ill that I called for an ambulance.
I found myself in Darwin Emergency twice within a short period of time. Once there they left me in a room for an hour. The records indicated that I'd had a seizure of some kind. I remember feeling giddy and disconnected from everything, as though people and voices were blurs of movement and echoes. I lost my idea of time and self, being only partially conscious. A paramedic helped me out of the ambulance and sat me in a wheelchair. Without his assistance I would have had no way of judging distance or space and I very likely would have fallen.
The second time I was rushed to the hospital and taken through in a wheelchair, I seemed to drift in and out of altered states of consciousness. In my mind I saw a haunted beach from my dreams and a ghostly blue boy materialising on the sand. I said; "I'm not going." The nurse said, "I beg your pardon?" I remained quiet and answered "No" to having taken any kind of drugs or being depressed. I was given a pill (most likely a light sedative of some kind) that I placed in my pocket, while I was kept under observation. They managed to rouse me and said that I was okay and that it had been a somatization seizure.
There were a number of negative incidents that had occurred around setting up the retreat, closely followed by the illness. This was to become a very big wake-up call and my thoughts finally began to take a conscious turn towards my own health and well being. I believed that it was in the best interest of my body to heal itself. My problem remained with finding a medical doctor. It was common knowledge that decent doctors in Darwin were hard to come by, with all the good ones being booked out in advance or no longer taking on any new patients. The local saying remained, 'If you get a pain, catch the plane'.
