|
18. my heart in little pieces and the maggot still at the remains
Naturally he began to stalk me after I left him. He was trying to creepily fill my life and hoped to see me there. It made me sick inside because I knew what he was. He was pretending to be me. He was trying to fill in the spaces I had left behind, in order to get close to me. Unfortunately there could only really be one of me, so one of us had to go, and that was why he was trying to destroy me. He admired too many things about me. The insidious little creep wanted to take my place. He wanted to learn everything about me and then finally assume my identity. But he couldn't do it. He was too weak and not a tenth of the person I was. I wanted him dead and had periods of hatred, as it is natural to despise the thing that despises you. We slobbered at the muzzles, like angry fighting dogs trained in hate and pointless battle. But unlike the dogs we were more seriously violent. For moments I pitied him and thought of his bald little frame wandering alone through sad landscapes. A Tracy Chapman song came on the radio, 'Who stole your heart?' I thought about him because someone had. The same had happened to my parents. I imagined them in the saddest landscapes, and for a while I was to shed a tear for them. After having these feelings, I remembered that it was okay to love your enemy, but to never ever forget that they were your enemy. For no matter how sad, mad or bad, they were still the enemy to you. They were the enemies that they had proven themselves to be, over the many years of plotting your slow annihilation. It is important to always remember what you are really dealing with. Frazer was like maggots making the most of the little pieces of my heart left on the ground. I looked down and wept for my own situation, thinking, is that all there is left of me? I was smothered in maggots, or the maggot of him, for a long time. I just couldn't get back up off the ground. After he was finished with me, and me with him, I almost had to stick myself back together with drying blood and wriggle away. |
