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OCTOBER 29TH, 1997, FIGHT!
'Fight!' she shouted, when Gabrielle died, 'fight!', 'she's gone Zena,' the quiet soldier touched her shoulder, it had been a bloody war, but Zena could not let her friend die so easily, she began to thump into her chest in rage, 'fight, damn you!', on the fifth thump Gabrielle jolted back to life, death dropped its awe like a cloak, as she coughed up something inside, as if she had been choking on her own lung, the program was about winning a war, Zena said, 'I will win the war for this army', I expected her to go out and annihilate the opposition, instead the whole episode was about a hospital, Zena remained indoors healing the wounded soldiers inside a huge temple, one of the generals followed her around, towards the end he'd seen enough blood and suffering to learn, and although they were winning Zena called off the war, she had won the war through placing love and strength amongst the wounded and dying, she had won the war by setting an example that allowed the general to reach in and touch his own compassion, when she brought Gabrielle back to life, she acted against what the village priest had said, she had won the war over life and death for now, when I feel like I am losing, it is because I can't save all the dairy industry calves bleating in the saleyards on their way to slaughter, and because I now have a skin cancer on my nose, I hear Zena's voice, 'fight!,' it says, 'fight!', it's all rage and courage, I will fight, Jim is writing about a character who exhausts life, 'I know what evil is,' he said, 'there is a lot of evil out there, this character is so evil that he exhausts life', I like to go back into my dreams, saying, 'thank god it was all just a bad reality', Jim said, 'I love life, but I wake up each morning like I'm going to war', why would he write about evil?, was it something he wanted to explore about himself?, but he wants to try and pinpoint it, it is his way of alerting the public that evil appears in unexpected places, when I get tired the world feels cold and hard, when I can't bring my strength into it, it's like a rainy city night slashing its sheets of icy sleet across my back, I said, 'I refuse to see life as hard, so I will choose to see it as challenging,' then feeling weary I asked him, 'so do you think that evil is winning?', he said, 'I think that good is a stronger force in the world', but his voice was worried and doubtful, 'I think evil will defeat me, when I get very tired,' he said, I wondered how evil he thought I was, so I asked him, he laughed, 'you are one of the good guys', I said, 'I try to be true to myself', whilst I'm on this planet I want to comfort life', I want to hug the huge head of the poor injured donkey against my chest whilst her body aches, I want to rejuvenate the tiny bodies of shattered birds who have crashed into glass, I want to hug other human beings who haven't been hugged in a long time, their stringy starving backs in knots, this is what the tired cop does in Millennium, he and his worried family are working in the big cities in the United States, they are all very weary, their small weak flames trying to warm a hard cold dark world, we are on the brink, Millennium is one of those dark programmes with sombre characters, a psychic policeman, a child walking along the rooftop in a nightdress, the wind blowing her hair, they play a violin, the psychic cop deals with the dark psychopaths, he has a wife whose face is as worried as a city, he has a daughter who doesn't know about his job or the world beyond the front door, he is very worried and tired all the way through the show, the dark lights and night trains chopping up the cityscape, making humans look sad and vulnerable, his daughter gets sick, she lies in bed like a little sparrow, in these moments you think that she won't survive it, the cop always looks down the dark rainy streets, he is thinking, what kind of world have I brought my daughter into?, he does this at the very end of every episode, our hearts ache and we send our love out to her. |
