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LIFE IN THE CEMETERY
1. Wildflower
as if from nowhere, a tenderness for you came upon me, after a long dry spell, an unexpected wildflower in a patch of red sand in a cemetery, what to do but sit beside it with my big black boot at rest & stare down at its tiny golden purple with such huge caring, yet it has grown a long time & does not need my shelter or my watering, it has grown in the wind & sun of this particular section of desert & does not need my shade, although for a moment i felt its watery stem glad & cooling in the square shadow of my shoulder, but it soon grew crisp & lonely for the elements, so i moved to behind it so i could watch its tiny life receive the sun, but when it rains, some of the drops are big enough to drown it, to push its cellular structure into the sand, its petals as big as ants but colourful & stationary, i do not know how long i will survive here, my face growing rugged & salty with hot winds & wrinkles from receiving pleasure, from the long hours of tender smiling & kind eyes for the wildflower, sometimes i would like to stroke it & once dared to think of wearing it on my pocket, but it is so fragile & not in need of me, already i feel the sadness of loss, of my walk away from its tiny root system, out onto the long straight road ahead, but i am transfixed & believe i cannot leave until the wildflower dies, or until it desires its potential to stretch into limitless space, without my presence startling the flatness, burnt into the scene like a fence post left standing, this situation of distance, which in itself will be a leaving, so soon the feelings of what i have found, are accompanied by the fears of what i could lose, the wind moves up the ridge & the wildflower shakes its small pleasure, in its patch of dust with my big old dusty form beside it, i do not know how long i have been sitting on this rock, it shakes & then it blooms because it does, perhaps even for me & i send down my love for it, until all the air is reproducing & trembling, this desert is making unexpected rain & is miraculously watering a patch in me, i turn away & receive the sun on my face, suddenly my arms are thrown up to into the blue uncertain weather, my breath gives off its scent like pollen, my eyes give off their light, now that i am full of wildflower |
