THE ORCHESTRA
the classical concert was unexpected, shocking, my heart scrambled like a mouse across the kitchen lino, the music came in waves that pounded my body, i felt like a violence was committed upon me, my arms struck out but the air was full of sound, i was trying so hard to listen with my ears, but was betrayed by my concentration, i was simply focused on remaining intact, presentable, behaved, but it was false, so false i shook, in the end there was only me & the orchestra, do i have to become a child again, reduced, broken down, cultured, i am too rigid to be eaten alive by music, i plead with sound: do not destroy me, each note causing pain, each note like a pic chipping away, into twenty six years of stone, finally i could not move, terrified, sculptured, it hacked until, i leant forward & my body jolted to its death with the final clash of the symbols, & what is left?, hardly anything, a wisp of ash, pathetic joy, the origin of sound, my body was simply crashed upon, invaded, as if the players needed to reduce me to music only, a cry came out into that hall, seconds later my clothes were wringing wet, what does it mean, this great stupid sobbing inbetween each violin, i am a fool, do not bring me here again, i leant back, vulnerable, alone, if i moved an inch i would disintegrate, finally, nothing more, than where the orchestra chose to take me, suddenly the music stopped, the applause was thundering, the audience began to leave & i found myself amongst them, i was starving |
