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BRINGING HOME THE STRAYS
3. Meeting The Family
'lovey, stop bringing those blokes home', my mother said, 'you know, as a child you collected all the strays left down by the council pound gates on the weekend, you haven't changed,' except now i bring home the strays to sleep with them, when i stroke their tired old skin they are a great comfort to me, their snot, their smelly underpants turned insideout, their coughing & spluttering, their pulpy white thighs & poor poor skin, deep down i do not like it & wish that they were really healthy, when i met them initially, or that perhaps my love will make them healthy bit by bit, but this is where the problems start, 'hello come in, fulfill my delusions regarding the love relationship', so i try not to judge or change them, but i have already made a judgment, that is, that i am ready to adopt a stray, rather than associate with a healthy man, but i haven't found a healthy man, at least this new kitten, this puppy dog heart, this tiny sparrow, well he's passive, gentle & very full of slumber & trembling, it gives me an added thrill, also, to know that my family & friends do not like him, i like to watch my soft sheets pulled all up around their heads & to know how comfortable they are, i like to compare their facial structure to that of my mother & father, in order to make them love me all over again, in the proper way that suits me, in the way that they should have loved me from the beginning, but nothing is working, but yes he fits the picture & i just do what i like, now if i want to fuck the unresolved issues regarding my mother & father for the rest of my life, then i will, they were so beautifully unavailable to me, how i desired their love & how i loved them when they wouldn't let me love them, i was dependant on them for my survival & they tried to annihilate me, they tried to break me in half, to stamp me out, i seek out men to represent them to try & learn the lesson, to try & understand, why they didn't want me, to try & lose my feelings quickly so my feeling wouldn't kill me, how i wanted to love & look after them as they were going under, their hands waving above the water, my love is what their hands demanded, but i was too far gone, lost beneath the waves, they took me under into their lives, they didn't teach me how to swim |
