WHITE MOUSE
my mother/ called me into her bedroom/ leaving my
brothers outside/ just once/ her attention/ was
focused/ on me/ she looked down & said: you are
going to bleed/ she shuffled the plastic lime
packet/ with flowers on it/ & clouds/ pulling
out the huge white panty pad/ & the huge white
tampon/ with elastic belt to match/ you strap
it on like this/ & you will bleed/ every four
weeks/ mum said: there will be pain/ i thought:
i must have done something wrong/ & the huge
white tampon/ dangling before me/ on thin white
string/ it would block the natural flow of blood/
i crept from the bedroom/ unable to tell my
brothers/ what she had said/ in the afternoon/
my mother sobbing/ around the side trellis/ in
her crumpled hand/ in the shadow of the house/
my white mouse: milly/ bloated with cancer/
she swung it by the tail/ smashed it on the red
brick wall/ like the petshop owner had told her
to/ for a moment it swung/ suspended/ like cloud
in the blue of day/ like a powder puff/ or a
ball of seed fluff/ i reached up/ & almost caught
it/ before it came down hard/ like a bloody hammer/
pounding/ again & again/ it hooked on for its life/
to her bone white knuckles/ its half dead eyes/ &
the way that its claws/ tiny & pink/ clutched at
her sleeves/ my child's head/ against her legs/
my mother frantic/ unable to kill it/ i crushed
her knees/ beneath her skirt/ her pale green apron/
coming apart/ my brown hair fountain/ coming
undone/ the hard dried blood/ squeaking/ & tiny
pink ribbon/ shrieking/ on her forearm/ let it die
mum/ let it die | 
