i used tar be like a corpse when 'e was 'round. i used tar concentrate on the rafters an' the liddle pieces a sky wedged in atween. winter sky. kinda silky an' sullen. catapilla grey. i wonder if 'e felt the coldness in me. i 'ope so. i 'ope 'is body turns in a cold grave. what's left of it anyways. i once 'eard that when ya cremated that ya lose ya very soul. i 'ope that's true. i sure as 'ell 'ope it is.
so i was mostly elsewheres then. ya know mind an' body. they's two diffrent things. i knowed it. sometimes i jus' feel like a mind floatin' 'round. lotsa times 'e carn't never touch me. 'cause 'e carn't never see me. monsters never know. they's only hungry for flesh. that's all they seem tar see. they smell it mostly. they ain't got no time for the mind.
i 'ad twelve rabbits once. colour ones. i ain't never let me number slip over twelve. woulda been unlucky. 'e told me it wouldn'ta worked. that i'd always been unlucky. an' then 'e killed 'em. hung 'em up along the clothesline on liddle wooden pegs. i walked out intar the backyard with a tub a dirty washin'. 'is washin'. an' the clothesline went a spinnin' an' a flyin' in the wind. an' theys was all like flags. the ground all purple an' a stinkin'.
'ed always 'ated creatures. guess 'e never much understood 'em. used tar bait all the dogs in our street an' the cats 'e found a wanderin' intar our yard. 'ed shoot 'em. an' if 'e ever caught a live one. not usually 'cause cats are smart mostly. then 'ed swing the poor lookin' thing by its tail right 'round the top a 'is 'ead. then snap. the tail 'ed crack right off. an' that was the worst thing. tar 'ear a cat screamin' the way they did. all the neighbours knowed. but they never spoke much tar me. too young. theys were scairt of 'im. i didn' much go for neigbours nohow.
i used tar watch 'em from behind the cracks in our fence. watch the liddle colour birds in their garden. honey birds an' sun birds. rainbow birds. whatever birds i like. i make the names. i do stuff like that mostly.
our yard's diffrent. always quiet. no birds. an' sometimes i felt the darkness 'round like a huge black cloud jus' a bustin' tar rain but nothin' happinin. 'ard tar live under sometimes. but the birds next door 'elped. things are still livin' where there's birds.
once there came a pure black crow tar our backyard. 'is name was lancelot. probably someone elses. too tame. but 'e liked me. we 'ad secrets 'bout the back a our garden an' other places. 'cause birds always know secrets 'bout somepin or other. theys been 'round. that's the good thing 'bout 'em. i told lancelot 'id prefer a dog like me brothers. straight out i told 'im. but a course bein' a bird 'e knowed far more an' with that i was satisfied. i also warned 'im 'bout the monster.
an' i thought the old crow 'ad understood. bein' as smart as 'e was an' all. but things got pretty much confused. an' maybe our langwage is all diffrent afta all. an' maybe birds ain't so smart. lancelot liked most people. an' one day fresh 'ome from schoolin' i come across the monster. 'e wasn't smilin' none but i cud tell 'e was glad 'bout somepin. from the inside. which is 'ow 'e feels 'bout most things. an' in 'is 'uge 'ands were what i thought tar be two orange worms. all shrivelled up an' crooked. all thru supper i waited for some sign. somepin tar indicate tar me. but 'e was all inwards an' dangerous lookin' so i backed off.
later on 'e gave 'em tar me in a liddle jar with turpentine tar keep 'em fresh. an' that's when i found theys weren't worms at all. theys were liddle claws. an' i knowed then an' understood what i must do.
'cause 'ed done it afore lotsa times. 'cause when yar cut a bird's claws off an' throw it intar the air it has tar fly. an' they don't ever lan' nowheres. 'cause they carn't. a plane carn't ever lan' with no wheels. same with birds. they jus' fly. could be a thousan' miles. 'til they die. just fall down outar the sky an' disappear.
i seemed tar feel that somepin bad was 'appenin 'ere. that one bad monster was a settin' about chewin' up all the beauty outa my world. 'an soon there'd be as good as nothin' left.
i thoughta lancelot. i thoughta the monster. i ain't never done nothin' with fire afore. but i thought long intar the night about it. an' all the time a clutchin' the liddle jar with the claws inside. an' i as pretty soon as made up me mind.
an' when all was stillness intar early mornin'. an' most neighbours still sleepin'. i found the most flamable curtains in the world. i lit 'em right away there an' then. an' i soon as 'ell swallowed the match right down. chewed it tar pieces first. i didn' take nothin' from that place. not with the curse of the monster on it.
that's not the reason i done it. i didn' feel good or nothin' as the place was burnin'. quiet burnin'. good an' peaceful like. i jus' waited 'round an' felt all calm inside. an' the neighbours. they understood 'bout things like this. they never say nothin' ever. they jus' mine their own business an' 'ope for the best.
an' 'e never made no sound. i thought 'e might at least scream or cough. but nothin'. i crossed me fingers an' felt the badness creep outa me. an' all the muscles relax right down an' then calm. a terrible dead calm like no dawn's ever comin'. still calm.
an' sure as 'ell i soon as 'eard the monster gettin' up from 'is bed. clompin' 'round inside the flames. but mostly there was the black smoke. good thick smoke. the monsters up an' about. but too late. sleepin' slows things down an awful lot. 'e was awful big though. i prayed tar god 'ed burn quick an' be done with it. no one likes tar set about killin' things. but it was all for the best.
