DYING DOG MANTRA
towards the end the emaciated dog still wanted to
walk but when i took him he would fall down.
then i found the dog spreadeagled in the tiny
backyard/ the rain ants eating his eyes - he was still alive.
i cleaned the green ant mucus from his ending eyes
& carried him inside.
there was a strange smell about him.
i gave him some water - his discoloured tongue
curling into my hands. his old teeth brown.
then he lay on his side - he began to groan he
would never walk again/ he never got back up again.
i thought if he wasn't walking by the morning.
but then a groan the depth of death. i lit the candles.
no one should hear the fear of death. there is nothing like it.
like the sound the dog made towards the end i can
never forget. i made a decision then to ring a vet.
but the dog didn't want to die.
the vet arrived, a stranger - young & hard, i
thought i'd crack if she brought in the plastic bag,
whilst he was still breathing/ but she didn't.
being more discreet than that.
i asked her what the groaning was - i loved the dog.
she said he was frightened. this i can never forget.
she shook her head saying that he was too weak to
get up to even lift his head - she fumbled around
for a while with the needle.
the candle light made things awkward i had no lights
i had to get a torch & shine it on his face the vet
seemed to be agitated by this - then told me to talk
to him & pat his head - but i didn't have a speech
prepared. what could i say without shaking?
you're a good dog you're a good dog. thanks for
fifteen years - your life. he may sigh she said.
during the injection she said - he is going now -
there was nothing i could do/ except chant the
mantra/ good dog you're a good dog -
the poison gripped his heart the death gripped him
his eyes sudden & large it was not gentle it was a
punch he stopped breathing he left this place to
me he left the universe.
i could not close his eyes like on television.
they kept half opening i could still hear him
breathing after he had stopped moving the vet went
& got a blanket i could not stop stroking his body
his tail wagged a little bit.
i saw him as a young dog & a puppy. the vet lifted
his uncontrolled body into the blanket. it flopped about.
she left the bill for his disposal - where is she
taking my dog i thought as i thanked her -
the last thing i saw was the dog's legs dangling
from the blanket the vet wrestling to carry him
down the hallway towards the open door & into darkness -
his skinny back legs poking out at odd angles
scratching the walls as they left. |
